Time. . . space. . . irrelevancy?
Every path I can imagine would make me happy, aside from the one where I sit here and do nothing, never decide which path to take. My heart is everywhere. I like Mankato and I love the jobs I have here, But I yern to be in Troumald, this tiny little town where I could commune with nature on a regular basis, Where I am nearly smothered by the best of friends and family. . . .hmm. . . is that a fruedian slip? smothered? Do I fear being smothered and pushed back into the person that everyone thought I was?? or is that what I long for?
I was really happy. . . almost every moment of everyday I was happy. And now, although I am not necessarily unhappy, I don't walk around a goofy grin, but at the same time I hid a terrifing illness, afraid that noone would believe me. . . and I didn't want that kind of attention. I wanted eveyone to remember me as this incredible smiling. . .
Wednesday, July 10, 2002