I'm swollen again. Bad trend. It could be that I've had too much salt lately or that I've been drinking so much tea I could be floating in it. I don't know what's with the tea. I'm not much of a tea drinker, but the warm drink seems to really hit the spot. In other bad trends I've been really moody lately. I don't know what the cause of that is either. I'm sullen and withdrawn and mostly I want to be left alone within my thoughts. Apparently there are a lot of them. . Only none of them conscious. I'm sure I'm avoiding something because I've been really productive which only happens when I need to actively avoid something, kinda like I do my best house cleaning when I'm mad as hell and it's either clean or yell at someone. My men have been particularity neglected in this moodiness, I can't even handle a hug it creeps out my skin. . . That probably has something to do with creatine. . . It makes physical contact putrid, although a great big hug would still feel emotionally great the whole physical aspect of it irritates me.
also at random points for no particular reason I almost break into to tears. This happens more frequently if I'm not concentrating very hard on accomplishing things. Which is probably part of the whole avoidance and being productive thing. It's probably hormonal. . . Which is my excuse for everything these days. . . Well that and drugs. Ok well enough sitting still. . . It's time to go do something I need to concentrate on. . . Maybe I'll repaint the bathroom or mop all the floors.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004