Anger is such a bizzare emotion. It's almost never acutal anger I feel when I get all angry. What I feel is fear. I am convinced that anger is really just an outward denial of fear. I get angry about things that don't actually anger me because I'm too busy denying a fear I can't even name. But on a rare occasion I can at least realise the anger I am directing at someone else is really only a fear I have about myself and I can admit that the I'm really more afraid than angry.
it's interesting to be able to step outside ones general frame of refernce and be able to see the steps of any given grieving process, to know that the anger that flares up so suddenly and violently will give away to bargaining and dispair and eventually acceptance. ah sweet acceptance.
excuse me while I go deny this for a while. maybe if I hit bargaining and dispair real quick I can get to acceptance faster. but if not denial works well. I know it's only a temporary solution but for the time being it works.
Monday, August 09, 2004