The nameless faceless fear.
Sometimes I am emotionally overwrought with a nameless faceless fear. I'm not sure if it's a fear that I'll get horribly ill, that I'll have to relive things I didn't enjoy the first time, or if it's a fear that I'm not really living now. It's this fear that drives an overabundant unsatisfiable sex drive. It is this fear that makes me want to do wild crazy things to know I'm still alive, to feel the thrill. It's this fear that makes me want to run screaming into the night and find a place to forever hide. But what is it that I'm hiding from with sexual attention, thrill seeking, and wanting to run? What is the actual fear? Is it perhaps that although I feel a fear I feel an equally strong longing for that same dread?
Tuesday, August 24, 2004