My truth? I have no truth. Or rather I want no truth. If I wanted the truth I'd write it and face it and act upon it, but I haven't and I'm not sure if I will. The question is there, an answer is there but the truth is missing, and that's the way I like it for now. Safe, stable, the same.
I'm thankful that my life is SO good that even when I have this kind of conversation with someone. . .
Me: wanta trade lives for a day?
Him: ummmmmm............No....Don't think so
Me: just one day?
Him : Nah
Me: you can wear the Herkimer for say tomorrow. . .And I'll shower and hang out at the arcade
Me: oh and you'd get to watch the sick kid too
Me: yeah let's do it tomorrow
Me: it'd be a much easier switch then say next Tuesday
Me: come on, you can wear the itchy thing in your neck that you can't get wet while you are somewhat hallucinogenic because of uria in your blood and deal with a kid with a bad cold you can't afford to catch and a husband who's gone all day and then is grumpy from no sex and being tired even tho he swears he doesn't get grumpy when he doesn't get laid often enough. . . How can that not sound appealing?
Him : Because I have more then half a brain
Me: oh wait I forgot to add the bonus of extended family with 3 child catastrophes who will probably want to come over "to help" when what they really do is make a mess and destroy things and the mom who calls every few hours to make sure you didn't die without telling her
Me: all you have to give up is one day at the arcade and a shower.
And then when he turns it down again I can say:
that's one hell of a package you're turning down there
Once you have answered a question does it go away? Even if you only gave a half answer because you were afraid to look for the real one, for the deeper meaning? What if every original thought you ever had was washed away and you had to start over? What if your very idea of life and religion were washed away and you had to start over? Could you overcome the expectations? "We are what others expect of us" or so I have been told. I am what others expect only because they expect that? Or is that truly who I am even if I think it is not?
on a more important note do I care? I fully admit that my views on life and religion has changed but as of yet I haven't renailed down exactly what they are. Do I care to? I don't know.
Sunday, November 28, 2004