I'm so tired. I am much more susceptible to moodiness when I am tired. I'm trying really hard to be nice and patient and calm and good, but the truth is I want to yell, "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" I would love to have everything taken care of enough to flop over in my bed and sleep. Too much remains undone to do that, but I can't really deal with it yet so I'm hiding in here instead.
It's not that I've had a bad day. . . Really it's been spectacular. I'm feeling cuddly withdrawn, which really means that I want to be held, patted on the back, and told that everything is going to be ok. Heck I don't even care about the being patted on the back and told that everything is ok. I'd be fine to have a comforting arm around me while I drift off to sleep.
I'm certain that the moodiness is due to lack of sleep and too much activity (did I mention it was a spectacular day?) But I'm not naive enough to think that there aren't underlying issues. You can't have a major life shift (such as major surgery) without having emotional issues attached. As much good as it's all done, there are still issues. And I'm going to have to deal with them eventually. These first two weeks have been fabulous for avoiding the darker side, but now I have to deal with real life again and with real life comes the realness of change. I hate change (not that I wanted things to stay the same).
Friday, December 17, 2004