dark images, forbiden thoughts, deep seated angry, depression, need. . . . that is why this blog was created. that is what brought me here time and time again to write things that I felt I couldn't tell anyone, things that I wasn't suposed to feel, wasn't suposed to say, wasn't suposed to fear. It was an outlet for fear and anger and now that it is let out, I find I rarely need to return. I have come once again in a circle and find myself almost at the place I started only a level higher or lower, like the coils on a spring I seem to go round and round to nearly but not quiet the same place. Once again I find I am blissful about things that used to tear me apart, or that I had no feelings about at all. I find for no reason during the day I am smileing, just basking in the present, enjoying each moment as I live them, but more aware that it is a cycle, a coil of time that will in turn lead me back to a dark and foulness of mind and mood, or if lady luck remains my love perhaps I will learn again that there is no pattern other than what I create and I will stay in blissful lingering of live. contentment and more in my state of mind untill I find that none of anything is real, and that time and emotions do not entirely exsist and I can be all and feel all in one moment and eternity.
Sunday, January 19, 2003